Let’s talk about sex, baby.

And by baby, I mean BABY!

Can it possibly be that my baby is ready to have the entire world of human sexuality laid out (Stop it. Be a grown up. Just for a few minutes. I beg of you!) in front of him to dissect and question and explore? Apparently, the answer to this question is yes. At least, according to our school board.

Oooh! So colourful and intriguing! No title. No one will even know what you are reading!

Education is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong. However, assuming that every kid is ready for the same information pertaining to sexuality at the same time is no different than painting them all with the same curriculum brush in any other subject. Not every kid will be ready to process this information. Not every tween will be curious. Not every prepubescent student will even have a single question. On the other hand, many will have questions. Many will already know plenty. Some will know too much and not for nice reasons. Some will be even less ready than others. This is definitely an area where a parental preemptive strike is a very good idea.

“What’s happening to me?” (Usborne)

We live in a very confusing world. On the one hand, sexuality is splayed on every billboard and commercial for kids to see and decipher through their developing brains. On the other hand, we hear pop songs where the word “sex” is literally censored out so a blank space is left. Dangling. Mysterious. Dangerous. Why? Why is this very basic thing left blank? You know not one of us would be here without it, right? I mean unless one of you has experienced immaculate conception and has withheld this info, in which case I am, a) ticked off that you didn’t share, and b) I have questions, so don’t leave without seeing me. Poor Bruno Mars! He has been censored in the weirdest of ways. He has also had the phrase “throw my hand in my pants” censored and I swear to you as if I were there when he wrote it, he meant it in that “cozy” way. (You know, like Paul Buchman explained in that episode of Mad About You? Remember? No? Okay, you are just going to have to trust me. Not in some lewd reference to making himself “extra” happy, but I was not there, and I digress…)

The point is, that even if kids are sprinkled all along the developmental continuum – here, there and everywhere – in the end it is probably best that schools cover the topic of sexuality and all that it entails. There are plenty of parents who shockingly -even in this day and age- never talk about sex, sexual development, puberty, or sexuality. My poor Things. They have parents who are pretty much impervious to embarrassment. Sure, we may blush at a compliment or a funny jab, but when it comes to the topic of sex and the well being of our children we have nerves of steel. We will not be swayed. We are “the” source for “the” talk and I, quite frankly, wouldn’t have it any other way.

My tween might not have had any questions last week, but he certainly does now!

This is where Thing 1 is: “If you talk about it, that’s Oral Sex and now everyone is having it!” Direct quote from last night. Seriously.

So, we, the parents, have some explaining to do. Obviously.

Now, do you have any questions? If so, you ought to brush up on your human sexuality because, like it or not, the day will come when your little babies will be physiologically capable of creating little babies of their own. Wouldn’t you rather they are well equipped to handle that? Me, too!